Trying Not to Lose my Twenties

We have all heard it before, “your twenties are about finding yourself and having fun” and we have also heard “I wish I started saving in my twenties, or started a business, or done x, y, and z.” The words that have plagued every 22-year-old that came before me. Something about these words has paralyzed me, leaving me feeling stuck in a swirl of stagnancy. I tend to fear I cannot do anything right when the true wrong move is to do nothing at all. As a versatile Gemini, I challenge both these quotes and lessons on life that are arguably opposites and combine them into a balance of sorts. A Yin and Yang we can all recognize but rarely manage to implement fully. I am ambitious enough to want to do it all, but lack the time, funds, and energy to do it right now. This will not stop me from taking on the challenge of impressing myself by incorporating the two sides of the same twenties. 

I have been told I am “mature for my age,” in an almost relentless manner— aside from the ones I hold closest, who only drop the quote as a form of reassurance that I am fine and everything else, eventually, will be. However, this idea of maturity, I believe, comes from the idea that I lead a typical, boring life. Full disclosure, I never had a party phase, and I often say no when I should be saying yes. I have prioritized my alone time, education, and relationships over all else— not to say this is inherently negative but it has limited a personal stretch of my life experiences.

To explain my dilemma, I will provide some background; I am a current MBA student specializing in Supply Chain Management. By 21, I graduated on the Dean’s List with a B.S. in Business Administration (Marketing emphasis). Despite my efforts, I have yet to land a "Big Girl Job"—though I’ve certainly tried. My SMBA program requires classes Monday through Thursday, each evening for nearly three hours, more when factoring in coursework.

The decision to pursue my master’s wasn’t made lightly. It represents hard work, patience, knowledge, dedication, and achievement pushing me forward. I see this as my way of taking the often-repeated advice to "start sooner" in my twenties. I’ve used my education to position myself for future success, but my experience has been primarily in the service industry—a sparkling subset, perhaps, but not always relevant when applying for corporate roles.

My schoolwork is priority number one. I struggle to relax or have fun unless my responsibilities are handled. My space must be clean, my homework completed (or at least on track), and my mind clear. I hesitate to go out if I’m exhausted or mentally drained—because fun, to me, is an experience, not a distraction. When you replace hardships with fun you fail to let hard times teach you something. I don’t want to escape stress; I want to enjoy myself fully when the time allows.

This weekend we celebrated one of my dearest friend’s birthdays. On Friday I attended the dinner we scheduled, went home and changed into a costume of sorts to match the selected theme, and danced to live music at one bar before heading back home. That night I had the energy, the plan, the clean room, and the perfect gap in my schedule and yet I found myself back before 12.

Saturday passed by with a shift at work leaving me sluggish the rest of the day. Then Sunday came, I had no homework, an acceptably clean space, and nothing to do; expecting a nice day perhaps a walk to local coffee. I stumbled upon an old friend’s post advertising a ticket to a festival I had been considering for months at the request of the birthday girl. I had initially refrained from purchasing, but seeing the new friend discount displayed, everything felt aligned. On a whim, I bought a ticket to CRSSD Fest—my third festival ever. My first two, Outside Lands and Stagecoach, I had only attended once each, one of which was alongside my dad.

My friend’s group was full of seasoned festival-goers who were clever in navigating crowds and always ready to dance. I washed my hair, put on an outfit I felt pretty in, and headed out. I saw artists I would not have heard about prior as house music is not my first choice to play, but something I cannot say no to. We danced, had surprisingly good pizza, and got stuck in pouring rain during Chris Lorenzo’s exceptional set. 

CRSSD was a big step for me with new music, big crowds, short dresses, and pouring rain. I left slightly early for warmth purposes but woke up energized, motivated, and proud of myself for making a spontaneous decision. I cleaned the house in the morning, made my schedule for the week, and put myself together to attend class early. This week felt like I did something right and I could physically feel the benefits of my actions before preparing to do it all over.

Overall, this will be a journey for me and every other young adult, an ebb and flow of sorts to manage life’s responsibilities and enjoy the fun that is only carefree for as long as you let it (under the right pretenses.) Over the next eight years of my twenties, I plan to strike a balance between pursuing my future goals and professional ambitions without losing sight of the fact that this is also my time to explore, grow, and truly enjoy life. In the words of David Allan Coe: “I need a little time off for bad behavior.”